If you read our October/November newsletter (or follow us on social media) then you know that I am pregnant! At this point I am now 21 weeks along and baby is the size of a banana! You may also remember that I mentioned how difficult the first trimester was. I wanted to elaborate a little. In reality the start to this pregnancy wasn’t incredibly different than my first two; strong aversions to certain foods, heightened sensitivity to smell, all-day nausea and fatigue. The intensity of these symptoms, however, were more intense than the first two times and were compounded with many other factors.
For one, while we’ve been in France for awhile now it’s still a new place and our language is still developing. We’ve often said that at any given point, even if things seem to be going well, there is an undercurrent of tension and stress. Trying to grapple with the language, build relationships with a limited ability to understand one another and longing for friends and family back home all lead to an underlying fatigue. So take all of that and add in pregnancy and it’s no wonder the exhaustion felt heightened.
Additionally, right around the time those first trimester symptoms kicked in we were in the midst of welcoming new families and then starting classes back up. Between my own sickness and fatigue and then our kids getting sick I missed several days of class. But even the days I did go I often felt so nauseous or tired that I found it hard to engage. On days off all I wanted to do was nap. In the evenings when I needed to be working on homework (or relearning the things I couldn’t focus on in class that day) I would end up just going to bed. All of this led to feelings of being behind in class and lacking motivation to even care that I wasn’t keeping up.
Another factor was more spiritual and emotional. I more often than not succumbed to laziness amidst my exhaustion and chose to spend time on lesser things instead of with the Lord. I felt the impact of this immensely.
I share all of this to give a picture of why those two plus months were so hard. And also as an explanation for why this is the first blog post in quite some time!
Being several weeks removed from this season now, and feeling SO much better in the second trimester, it can be easy to think back and feel like maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. But then I remember one of the nights when Adam and I got out on a date. We walked to a nearby Chinese restaurant to grab dinner and I just remember feeling like that outing was an oasis in the middle of a desert. As is often the case, this season hit me out of nowhere and I didn’t know how long the desert would last. I just remember feeling utterly depleted.
What’s funny is that last week I was talking to a dear friend and mentor in the States about all of this and she told me of a book she was reading called “Resilient”* in which the author discusses how to build resiliency. The tagline for the book is, “Restoring Your Weary Soul in These Turbulent Times”. One idea from the book that she shared with me was thinking about how your “reserves” are doing. What kinds of things have you done (or are you doing) during easier seasons of life that build up reserves to weather the difficult seasons. She encouraged me to think about how I might build up my reserves for the next time a desert season comes.
At the time of my conversation with her I had already started writing this blog post and had the title chosen, but couldn’t remember what it was. When I came back to write I thought it fitting that I had named it “Utterly Depleted” when what she and I talked about is having reserves in order to NOT become depleted. God is so cool like that.
Anyway, this idea has really been sitting with me as I process through those difficult weeks and think about the challenges ahead. In 18 days we board a plane and move to Senegal. In the time preceding that we will need to take exams (or at least Adam is), pack everything we own into the limited suitcases and totes we have, clean our apartment, finish up remaining doctors appointments and other requirements here in Albertville as well as say numerous goodbyes. On top of that we just spent 5 days in quarantine due to Covid. I’m still sick and have a couple more days of quarantine left.
Once we arrive in Senegal our teammates will help us get from the airport to our new home. We will have about a week to settle in before taking a little vacation as a team. Then we will launch into our new life in Africa. Continued language learning, cultural acquisition, adjusting to living in a huge city for the first time, helping Mia and Desmond transition, preparing for baby to come in April and the list goes on. I have no doubt that at some point in all that is ahead we are going to feel pretty exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed. It may even feel like a desert season again.
This is why we are heavily emphasizing building up our “reserves” now.
What does this mean? What can we do now to have fuel left in the tank when we feel like we’re at our wits end? For us this means prioritizing time in God’s Word daily and dwelling in prayer together and as a family. For me this means intentional time journaling and processing my emotions with Jesus, Adam and close friends. For our marriage it means checking in and talking a lot about how we’re doing and what’s ahead. For our kids it looks like slowing down to talk with them, pray with them and just be with them during this busy time.
This current season has been so sweet and encouraging. The Lord has met me with such tenderness and grace. His Word has been the most refreshing thing. I am so thankful. I am looking forward to our big move with hopeful expectation of all that God is going to do and trusting Him to continue sustaining us as He always does. I am also filled with hopeful expectation that He is using this season of rest and preparation to build our reserves in exactly the ways He knows we will need it for what’s ahead. We trust Him and also seek Him for self-discipline in these life-giving, reserve-building practices. Titus 2:11-14 have been bedrock verses these past couple weeks:
“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say, ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good.”
I pray that whatever season you’re in you know Jesus and the life that is found in relationship with Him. I hope that this is a season filled with refreshment in who He is and who you are in Him.
-Selina
* “Resilient” by John Eldredge : I haven’t read the book myself (yet), but my dear friend let me know that she highly recommends it!